Careers – job openings

Pizza & Baseball Job

Perfect Job

There’s nothing better than watching baseball. Well, maybe watching baseball and eating pizza. There’s definitely nothing better than that, right?

How about watching baseball, eating pizza, and getting paid for it?

We’re looking for a qualified candidate that we can pay to watch MLB games while eating a variety of delivery pizzas. You won’t even have to leave your couch, making it the perfect job for anyone who’s still hesitant about heading back into the office.

Sound like something you’d be interested in? Good — then read on.

What We’re Looking For

The ideal candidate would have a strong working knowledge of both professional baseball and professional pizza. You don’t have to be an expert — but it helps if you can tell an Oriole from a Blue Jay and deep dish from thin crust.

You will be watching a lot of baseball and eating a lot of pizza, so it helps if you truly enjoy both of those things. You can always grit your teeth and try to white-knuckle your way through, but we want someone whose love of the food and the game really shines through.

We’d also like someone who also has the following:

  • Experience working in a self-directed role (we won’t be looking over your shoulder a ton)
  • Background in sports or culinary arts preferred (this isn’t a deal breaker, however)
  • High-speed internet or cable television (we’ll reimburse you for the sports package)
  • Basic knowledge of baseball and pizza (we mentioned this one before, but it bears repeating, given that it’s the job and all)
  • Willingness to work late hours (West Coast games run late, after all)
  • Fun and engaging personality (we’re paying you to eat pizza and watch baseball — why would you be surly?)

If you don’t match all of the above criteria, don’t worry — you should still apply anyway. We’re mainly looking for someone who wants to dabble in professional baseball-watching and pizza-eating, not necessarily someone who’s already an established expert at both.

We’re especially interested in candidates who can track rivalries within the sport, so you should expect to watch lots of games between the following teams:

  • Red Sox and Yankees
  • Dodgers and Giants
  • Astros and Rangers
  • Reds and Pirates
  • Orioles and relevance

At times, you may also be required to be the only person on the planet watching the Tampa Bay Rays.

As a result, you may need to watch several games on certain days, while other days you might not need to watch any (we won’t stop you, of course). This job can be done around your existing career, or it can be a nice part-time thing to tide you over until you find something else.

Sounds Good, But What’s the Job?

You’re right — you’ll have to do more than just watch the games and eat the pies.

We’ll also expect you to report on both. Specifically, you’ll rate the pizzas and pizza providers on the following criteria:

  • Taste
  • Presentation
  • Customer Service
  • Ease of Use
  • Topping Quality
  • Value for the Price

The baseball situation is a little bit more open-ended. We’re a gambling establishment, so most of what we’ll want you to report on will be gambling-related.

We won’t want you to simply tell us who covered and which props cashed — our users can get that information anywhere. Instead, we want something a little more unique.

What does that mean exactly? Well, it will partially be up to you — but here are a few ideas we’ve kicked around:

  • Any prop bets we missed (did you hear a trash can banging at an Astros game — what are the odds?)
  • Any trends that are worth a closer look (do the tight pants really help Walker Buehler that much?)
  •  And, most importantly, which teams pair best with which pizzas

As we said, this part is flexible and we look forward to hearing what you can bring to the table. Don’t worry, though — it’s all very informal, so you won’t be expected to be an expert in sabermetrics or anything.

What We’re Looking For

The ideal candidate would have a strong working knowledge of both professional baseball and professional pizza. You don’t have to be an expert — but it helps if you can tell an Oriole from a Blue Jay and deep dish from thin crust.

You will be watching a lot of baseball and eating a lot of pizza, so it helps if you truly enjoy both of those things. You can always grit your teeth and try to white-knuckle your way through, but we want someone whose love of the food and the game really shines through.

We’d also like someone who also has the following:

  • Experience working in a self-directed role (we won’t be looking over your shoulder a ton)
  • Background in sports or culinary arts preferred (this isn’t a deal breaker, however)
  • High-speed internet or cable television (we’ll reimburse you for the sports package)
  • Basic knowledge of baseball and pizza (we mentioned this one before, but it bears repeating, given that it’s the job and all)
  • Willingness to work late hours (West Coast games run late, after all)
  • Fun and engaging personality (we’re paying you to eat pizza and watch baseball — why would you be surly?)

If you don’t match all of the above criteria, don’t worry — you should still apply anyway. We’re mainly looking for someone who wants to dabble in professional baseball-watching and pizza-eating, not necessarily someone who’s already an established expert at both.

We’re especially interested in candidates who can track rivalries within the sport, so you should expect to watch lots of games between the following teams:

  • Red Sox and Yankees
  • Dodgers and Giants
  • Astros and Rangers
  • Reds and Pirates
  • Orioles and relevance

At times, you may also be required to be the only person on the planet watching the Tampa Bay Rays.

As a result, you may need to watch several games on certain days, while other days you might not need to watch any (we won’t stop you, of course). This job can be done around your existing career, or it can be a nice part-time thing to tide you over until you find something else.

What We Can Give You

If all that sounds good to you, here’s what we’re willing to offer:

  • All the pizza you can watch and all the baseball you can eat (or something like that)
  • A generous stipend for your time (more details to follow)
  • The respect of your friends and family (we can’t actually promise this)

We’ll also keep you in mind if we pull another crazy stunt like this sometime in the future — and we generally do a lot of ridiculous stuff (because it’s better than working), so there’s a good chance we’ll have you on speed dial.

In all honesty, this likely won’t be a long-term or life-changing position. However, it will give you the opportunity to make a not-insignificant amount of money for doing two things that you likely do for free anyway.

Still interested? Good. Here’s what you should do next:

How to Apply

If you want to be considered for this role, here’s what we need you to do:

    1. Reply to this posting with your name, contact information, and a brief note that explains why you’d be a perfect fit for this job
    2. Attach your resume
  • IMPORTANT: before sending in your application, remove your resume. Seriously, why would we need that? You’re going to be eating pizza and watching baseball — we don’t need to know about the summer you spent churning lemonade at Orange Julius
  1. We’d also appreciate a little note telling us which teams and pizzas you’re most excited to experience this year

The applicant will be chosen based on the quality of these responses. Personality goes a long way here — it’s pretty much the only thing that matters, actually — so be sure to let the “real you” shine through (unless the “real you” is a real jerk; in that case, let a better version of you shine through).

We understand that this is a very unorthodox job posting, and you likely have plenty of questions. We tried to hit the most common ones below, but if you want information that’s not listed below, feel free to hit us up.

Thanks, and good luck with your application!

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